My Most Bizarre Subway Commute

NYC, storyVirginia HartComment
See how I mention dealing with others' spillage in my "about me" section?

Insert defeated grin here.

I thought it was just another typical morning commute as I boarded the subway to work.  Blissfully unaware of the people around me, I remained only cognizant of what was in my little bubble. I listened to Parachute's new album, thumbing back and forth between songs trying to figure out which one suited my mood and thus, could be played on repeat.

Parachute used to be Sparky's Flaw, a band that originated in my college town. The lead singer used to sing at our sorority in an a cappella group; I would sit there and listen slash drool slash mentally plan every little detail of our future wedding...

Anyway, back to my story.

There I was, listening to music on my iPhone and having the usual conversation with myself in my head. 

"Did I unplug the hair dryer? Oh right right right - I had to move the hair dryer in order to brush my teeth and that's when I unplugged it.
Did I lock the door? Shoot. I can't remember. I mean I had to, yes? What if I walked out and I just left the door wide open? Would I do that? Am I that irresponsible? I mean, it is Friday and I am pretty tired and maybe I just wouldn't even notice.
Where's my phone? Omg, did I leave my phone? OF COURSE I left my phone. Oh haha, riiiight, I'm listening to music on my phone.


Did I put on deodorant?? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Oh my goodness, I have a relentless itch on my chin! I must scratch it! But my hands and arms are suddenly immobile! Let me just tilt my head sideways and rub my chin on my shoulder aaaand superquicklysniff- yes, yes I did."

Oh forget about pretending you've never done that before. 

So there I was. Smelling myself. And all of a sudden the girl next to me GASPED.

I looked over and realized that not only was the chick pregnant, but she just peed herself.

And then I put two and two together and discerned the obvious.

Her water broke.


Clean up on aisle 5!

She was clearly a first-timer because she sat there and just stared at it with the most frightened face I've ever encountered, repeating "oh. my. GOD." over and over. I did my best to avoid mirroring her face so I wouldn't exacerbate her anxiety. Not going to lie, though, I was a little freaked out. She assured me she was fine and even seemed a little embarrassed, but I felt the need to help. I didn't know what to do, though! Do I offer to clean it up? I reached in my purse, quickly remembering I do not actually carry around a roll of Bounty quicker-picker-upper, but instead a small packet of non-absorbent Hello Kitty tissues. Nah, that didn't seem right. Do I call 911? Couldn't. I was underground. So what did I do? I did the only thing that seemed natural to aid a panting woman whose amniotic fluid was puddling under her dress. I rubbed her arm.

The length of time between 42nd street and 50th street crept by as others huddled around. She was alone, but a nice woman offered to take care of her and get her to the hospital. I awkwardly waved and wished her good luck as she waddled off the train.

I hope that big apple bundle of love has arrived and is doing well. I'd like to think of her telling the story to family and friends for years to come of how her water broke on the uptown E.  Maybe she'll even throw in a part about the girl next to her rubbing her arm.

Welcome, baby!

until next time,