I was talking to my mom on the phone about the wedding the other night. I swear, I wouldn't be able to plan this thing without her help. The things I think about! (And need to talk through!) I mean, if I were even to say them out loud to anyone else, I think they'd just plug their ears and tip-toe away. But when I talk to her - even when I'm analyzing the tiniest detail of the itinerary - it's as if she whips out her clipboard and helps me navigate through the plays. She gets that I'm already mentally strategizing for the best way to pack for the wedding & honeymoon. She relates to my anxiety of wondering where everyone needs to be at a specific time and that a color coded spreadsheet is the only way to go. We discuss matters like heel protectors, portable steamers and beauty maintenance with the utmost seriousness.
As the person who knows me better than anyone else, she also predicts the situations I'll find difficult in this bizarre experience of planning a wedding. I mentioned how incredible people have been with their gestures and gifts and time dedicated to celebrating us, and that as crazy as it sounds, it has started to make me feel bad. I feel undeserving, and I have a strong desire to repay people and give them something right back and explain they don't need to give anything. Instead of telling me I was delusional, she nodded through the phone and told me I've always struggled with this...but she told me something I'll never forget. She said, You have to let people give. Giving is a heartwarming blessing...you know how great of a feeling it is...if you don't let people help or give to you, you're depriving them of that blessing. ...it finally clicked.
Planning a wedding has taught me a couple other things that I thought I'd share. I'm sure after it's all said and done, I'll have a completely different tally of tid-bits, but here's the advice I've been given or learned so far:
- You will have to make a lot of decisions. A lot. Once you've made the decision, don’t second guess it. Just move onto the next.
- As exciting as it is to flip through bridal magazines and wedding boards on Pinterest for ideas and inspiration, it can feel overwhelming. Sometimes when you just sit and think (and come up with ideas of your own!) it allows you to figure out ways to make your wedding unique to you & your groom/partner.
- You will never-ever be able to please everyone so don't even try.
- When choosing a dress, make sure you can do three things with it on: sit, hug, and dance.
- Save-the-dates give guests a first glimpse of the vibe of your wedding and set the stage for your celebration. Have fun with them!
- Figure out one area of your wedding where you want to splurge and/or have total control over all the details. (Not surprisingly, I chose paper products.)
- Realize when your vendors know their craft better than you and let them have creative freedom. For me, this is flowers. Call me crazy but aren’t all flowers pretty? And won’t they die the next day? While I’ve given our florist a few color ideas and guidelines, I’ve also said, “Have fun with it. I trust you.” It’s incredibly freeing to hand over that baton.
- Imagine you’re a guest attending your own wedding and ask yourself, “What will I need / need to know?”
- Vendors might bail mid-engagement. Your priest might up and move. Try not to freak.
- When people say that weddings can bring out the worst in some people, they aren’t lying.
- If you don’t have a wedding planner, assign someone to be a “day of coordinator/crisis consultant/point of contact.”
- Realize that something is bound to go wrong. The only power you have over that is whether or not you choose to let it go and/or laugh about it.
- This is a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Enjoy it!
T minus 50 days!!!